i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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