Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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