I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
