I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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