It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
