the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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