Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
