he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
