just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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