I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
