Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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