you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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