Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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