Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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