3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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