I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
