bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
