fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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