I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
