awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
operation have a gay friend backfired
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
