she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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