A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
