In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
