I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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