Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
