I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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