While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
