We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
