I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
