Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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