Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
false alarm. still invincible.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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