i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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