How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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