OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
