We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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