think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
