the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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