I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
