This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
