this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
