the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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