this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
