A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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