Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
