the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
