He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
