I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
