im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
