this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
