goodnight i made you a song goodbye
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
