when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
