nut hugger
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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