If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
