So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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